Even though it's painful... Always
by The Shinigumi
Summary: This's a short but sweet little songfic... Nuriko finds a way to accept his feelings for Hotohori, and Hotohori's lack of feelings towards Nuriko.


Even Though It's Painful...Always  
  
(Technically, this's Tasuki's song. But what the hell, it's mostly for the words and he has a nice voice and ok beat ^.^) Jeezu, I wrote this a while ago O.o C&C very welcome! Onegai? words in // these// are the lyrics, in case you can't tell ^_^;  
  
~  
Nuriko quietly sits at the table with the other Suzaku seishi, laughing and acting as cheerful as always. But his eyes keep straying to Hotohori, who never seems to notice. The Emperor is watching Tamahome with a barely civil smile, as Tamahome holds Miaka possessively and glares back. Tasuki says something, and Nuriko laughs, his eyes still never leaving Hotohori's face.  
  
//Even the setting sun that sinks like it was caught on fire is alone  
Unable to embrace the earth or the seas  
Though sleeping deep down at the bottom of my heart  
A red painful passion takes me by surprise//  
  
Hotohori is leaning against the rail of the lake gazebo, not seeming to see anything or anyone. His hair, for once, is free, flowing in silken waves to his waist. Nuriko walks up beside him, with a hopeful smile. Then, as he follows the Emperor's gaze, his shyly cheerful greeting falters on his lips.   
Across the lake from Hotohori, Tamahome and Miaka are sharing a peaceful picnic, curled up together and looking blissfully in love. Nuriko watches sadly as Miaka snuggles into Tamahome's arms, and Hotohori's eyes close on the painfully happy sight. The violet haired young man reaches out hesitantly to the Emperor, then freezes and draws back. With a frozen smile, he turns and flees for the cold comfort of his room.   
  
//Whenever I see your tears I can't bear it  
It makes me want to embrace you tightly from behind  
I love you so much it breaks me no words are enough  
I also have love that I can't express//  
  
Nuriko cried silently into one of his pretty dresses, curled on his side on his bed. As his sobbing finally calmed enough he could breath again, he just lay there, staring vacantly out at his room with red-rimmed violet eyes still sparkling with tears.   
A soft tapping at his door announced supper. He curled up tighter, biting the tip of his thumb and taking deep breaths in a vain attempt to calm his erratic heart. Finally, he straightened up and seated himself at his dresser. Looking into the mirror, one graceful hand flitted out to trace his reflection. His dark, satiny hair mussed; his eyes puffed from crying; his face drawn and unusually serious. With a determined smile, Nuriko quickly rinsed off his smeared make-up and started over. Slipping into one of his most ravishing gowns, he spent as much time as he dared on his hair before rushing out to join the others for the evening meal.   
  
//Can't become a man by only having been born  
True strength definitely begins from love  
If there's a smile beyond your tears  
I'll watch over you like the dependable guy I am//  
  
Except for Hotohori, all the seishi look up at Nuriko in awe as he enters, sparkling like an angel in a gossamer gown that sweeps the floor behind him. Hotohori blinks in what seems like mild surprise, with a distantly friendly smile and polite complement. Nuriko flushs in embarrassment, then smiles softly to himself, seeming to glow. The rest of the evening, he kept up his careful watch of the emperor, wary when he seemed too sad and always there to try to cheer him up again.   
Whenever the emperor turned away, Nuriko would quietly eat, and talk with his friends, but seemed less uncertain. If Hotohori didn't seem to notice his affection, Nuriko would smile sadly, but never leave his side. Seeming to shine softly, Nuriko watched Hotohori with a secret hidden only from the emporer's eyes. Outside, the sun set in fiery, majestic glory.   
  
//I love you so much it breaks me no words are enough  
If it's a love that won't be granted then I'll only wish for your happiness  
The setting sun sinks again as it embraced its passion  
It reaches its hidden sleep even though it's painful...always//  
  
~*~OWARI~*~  



End file.
